All I can is be myself.... Whoever that is....

Going through life.. with the ups and downs.. I am really going through a stage in life..where I am discovering myself..

I was watching the OC and I heard something.. made me wanna try this whole blogging thing again.. I am going through a beautiful stage in life.. personally..professionally and in every other way I possibly could..

" All I can is be myself.. whoever that is.. "

I tried blogging twice before.. but I guess they dint work..

So what do I do..

How does this work..

Big Plans this weekend..

Have four pieces of assignment due in before the 17th of December...

Currently I feel like all I have left in my life is school.. assignments and Raj..

Although it sounds like I might be complaining.. I have never felt this way before... its an amazing feeling.. he makes me happier than I have ever been.. he is something else.. I always knew he exsisted but i dint knwo I was going to find him..not like this atleast...

In about a month my life is about to change forever..

I might be engaged to a guy I Love.. but with that come soo many other commitments..

Dont get me wrong I want to get married..and I want to spend my whole life with. him. I can tthink of anyone else who can make me as happy as he does.. but then there were always dreams and wishes I had for myself..

The only questions I ask myself.. are will I be able to fulfill my dreams and hopes I had out of life.. May be he wil make me the happiest person alive.. but Will I be able to make myself happy ?

I always dreamt of living in New York and working for marketing Agency and making big bucks running around.. but then I had a plan for myself and my life and this is exactly the way the plan was supposed to guy.. I was supposed to meet a great guy...find love.... marry him.. lead an amazing life with him.. have children.. have a career have a family.. and I still do want all those things.. but I also want to be young and impulsive..and I just.. wish..he would want the same things as me.. from what I know.. he doesnt have a plan however still I feel like he must have some plan even a small one.. something sub concious he has no idea about just yet...

I am always confused in life..and have a great tendancy to ruin something good that happens to me..

I had a brief chat about my friend Nicole today about visiting her in Amsterdam after Christmas

Nicole : " wait till after christmas to decide about coming here.. I am waiting on some assignments and my thesis to get back then I will be able to figure out whats happening in life"

Khyati: " I am always wondering what thats about.. figuring out life.. I guess thats the hardest part.. and I think even when im 40 and happily leading life.. I will still be working on figuring out life"

I so wanna figure out what I am all about.. I know myself.. and I know who I am but there are jst soo many aspects to me.. I am exploring and wondering wow..

Spirituality
Organisation
Religion
Love
Family
Independance
Friends
Gmail
Food
Travel
Yoga
Healthy Living
Books - Reading

to name a few above are the things I know about myself..and things I want to explore more in depth too..

You see things and read things and hear things.. stuff you come across in everyday life.. gives you this drive this push from within you of wanting to know yourself..

Coming from a traditional indian background I am total opposite to what a " good indian girl " should be or has to be.. and I guess the ones around me have accepted me the way I am.. I think the main reason why Raj loves me is because of that... I want to just explore myself.. I know that staying at home was the biggest decision I might have made both right and wrong while choosing University.

If I know myself at all.. I would have known that I should really be going away from home.. because the last time I was away.. was when I reall y felt like an adult..when I realised how much I love myself and how much I love being the person I am..

I work as a receptionist at Pizza Hut and I have a collegue there who talks to me about how she has trouble with some guy she is dating and how she sleeps around and everything else.. and I think back to when I was 18 and stupid.. and I am proud of the way I lead my life back there.. I feel great seeing myself to composed and calm at that stage..

In the running arounds of life I have lost soo much and gained way more than what I lost..

( You will soon start to realise this blog is more about me and I use the word I a lot )

Life as I see it is a journey of self discovery.. I hope that I can find time and space and organise my life.. without laziness to keep this going..

Thats all for now..