I was walking through the city centre at 6:00pm 2day.. and since its less than a month before Christmas the entire town has been lit up!

I felt as though the whole city is celebrating... just like me.. ऐसा लगा के सारा शेहेर मेरे प्यार के आने की खुशी में झूम रहा है....

आज शायद पहली बार ऐसा लगा के उससे मुझसे बात नही करनी॥

पता नही शायद करनी है पुर उसने मुझसे मन किया के तुम जागना मत मेरे लिए॥

कभी कभी बहोत डर सा लगता है॥ में जानती हूँ के वोह जनता है के में उससे कितना प्यार करती हूँ॥ लेकिन फ़िर भी आख़िर है तोह वोह एक लड़का॥ शायद जितना मैं एक लड़की होकर इस रिश्ते को देती हूँ या जिस चीज़ की में उम्मीद रखती हूँ वोह कभी दे नही पायेगा॥ चाहते हुआ भी॥ क्योकि है तोह वोह एक लड़का ही ना

So.. after havin seen the city I thought about how I wanted to

Never Loved Before, buts its a beautiful feeling...

Ever wonder how someone you just are still getting to know.. or have only known for a few years or months can be soo important to you?

You start to fear life soo much and circumstances so much..

Raj has becomg someone I had never imagined making in my life..

" u dont know how important you are to me..

and i dont want you to know..

the fear of loosing you is what i live under...

i want to see

i want to know u..

i know you but there are soo many ways still left for me to do...

our life together.. is all i think about..

you are all i wonder about..

you accept me the way i am..

you want me as much as i want you..

you make me feel soo special..

i feel about you something i have never felt before..

i want to grow old with you...

i want you to be mine for life...

you are soo precious to me..

your the biggest blessing god has given me..

you are more than anything else in my world...

my world some how revolves around you...

You make me the happiest person on this planet.. if i knew god fone number i would give it to you so u can see from his eyes my world..and what you are to my world...

i love you..more than i had ever imagined i could love someone.."

What happened this weekend.. was the scariest thing to me.. I wish things would have worked out differently.. but I am soo thankful to god your ok...

I love you Raj....

Being so noticed

Ever thought about what you want to do in ten years? I dont even know what I am going to do later today properly.. but am always wondering what happens ten years down the line..

I got all excited today.. thinking i get to use my brand new laptop actually for its purpose of being able to use it everywhere..and i got into the basement of the library my fav part of the entire university.. and I got all connected and ready to do some hardcore work for a few hours before I have to go to Pizza Hut.. realising that there was some problem and the wireless wont let my laptop access itself.. I went up 2 the IT technician and found out my laptop has 2 different programs to access the internet and connect to it.. although that wasnt why the internet wont connect.. the reason the net wont connect was because I had registered in the wrong IP address to start with.. so obviously its not really going to work.. ( I do soo many dumb thinging with the spam of a day.. sometimes I like to challenge myself to do the smallest things and fail.. but the big things some how I can succeed in.. )

My guitar asks me " when are you going to learn to start playing..I am sitting in the store-room.. feeling unhappy" I think it realises its purpose in life.. wonder when it will be that I will know and realise my purpose in life.. I feel warm but not quite there yet..

I asked Raj the same question " Do you know what your purpose in life " ( may be not quite exactly that.. but something along the lines" He replied saying " I know I have a purpose in life.. just dont know what it is yet.." That exactly this right here.. is why he is perfect for me.. and sometimes I think and wonder if soul mates exsist.. I guess to be honest I never really believed in them..I always thought u meet some one.. you fall in love and you work at it.. sometimes harder but you work at relationship..may it be friends, family..or lovers..

Since yesterday when I decided to start writing this blog again.. I have been trying to look for someone's blog.. which has some thing really interesting about me.. describing me as " Magnet"

During the last year while I was travelling through europe I came across many people.. and I especially attracted Indians.. so Anmol and Apoorv called me the Magnet.. during one of such travels about a year ago was where I met two Indians whom I kept in touch with the longest..until I found out the guy was a maniac and the girl was just not my kinda people.. I experienced some things out there which were strange and something I never thought I could do.. I mean I knew I like making decisions without thinking too much about them.. but this time I decided to go for walks at 10pm onwards through the city of Zurich.. It was soo beautiful.. On the very first day I walked until 4:00am and I realised only after 3 hours into the walk that I had reached the border of Zurich.. ( So now I can say..I have actually seen the entire city of Zurich by foot)

Walking through life being completely in the limelight all the time is the kinda life every one wants.. people around you love you.. people want to know you.. but sometimes you just want to walk by being unnoticed..

I hoping I find something new on this new blog..and the journey of life stays just as exciting as it is... :)

All I can is be myself.... Whoever that is....

Going through life.. with the ups and downs.. I am really going through a stage in life..where I am discovering myself..

I was watching the OC and I heard something.. made me wanna try this whole blogging thing again.. I am going through a beautiful stage in life.. personally..professionally and in every other way I possibly could..

" All I can is be myself.. whoever that is.. "

I tried blogging twice before.. but I guess they dint work..

So what do I do..

How does this work..

Big Plans this weekend..

Have four pieces of assignment due in before the 17th of December...

Currently I feel like all I have left in my life is school.. assignments and Raj..

Although it sounds like I might be complaining.. I have never felt this way before... its an amazing feeling.. he makes me happier than I have ever been.. he is something else.. I always knew he exsisted but i dint knwo I was going to find him..not like this atleast...

In about a month my life is about to change forever..

I might be engaged to a guy I Love.. but with that come soo many other commitments..

Dont get me wrong I want to get married..and I want to spend my whole life with. him. I can tthink of anyone else who can make me as happy as he does.. but then there were always dreams and wishes I had for myself..

The only questions I ask myself.. are will I be able to fulfill my dreams and hopes I had out of life.. May be he wil make me the happiest person alive.. but Will I be able to make myself happy ?

I always dreamt of living in New York and working for marketing Agency and making big bucks running around.. but then I had a plan for myself and my life and this is exactly the way the plan was supposed to guy.. I was supposed to meet a great guy...find love.... marry him.. lead an amazing life with him.. have children.. have a career have a family.. and I still do want all those things.. but I also want to be young and impulsive..and I just.. wish..he would want the same things as me.. from what I know.. he doesnt have a plan however still I feel like he must have some plan even a small one.. something sub concious he has no idea about just yet...

I am always confused in life..and have a great tendancy to ruin something good that happens to me..

I had a brief chat about my friend Nicole today about visiting her in Amsterdam after Christmas

Nicole : " wait till after christmas to decide about coming here.. I am waiting on some assignments and my thesis to get back then I will be able to figure out whats happening in life"

Khyati: " I am always wondering what thats about.. figuring out life.. I guess thats the hardest part.. and I think even when im 40 and happily leading life.. I will still be working on figuring out life"

I so wanna figure out what I am all about.. I know myself.. and I know who I am but there are jst soo many aspects to me.. I am exploring and wondering wow..

Spirituality
Organisation
Religion
Love
Family
Independance
Friends
Gmail
Food
Travel
Yoga
Healthy Living
Books - Reading

to name a few above are the things I know about myself..and things I want to explore more in depth too..

You see things and read things and hear things.. stuff you come across in everyday life.. gives you this drive this push from within you of wanting to know yourself..

Coming from a traditional indian background I am total opposite to what a " good indian girl " should be or has to be.. and I guess the ones around me have accepted me the way I am.. I think the main reason why Raj loves me is because of that... I want to just explore myself.. I know that staying at home was the biggest decision I might have made both right and wrong while choosing University.

If I know myself at all.. I would have known that I should really be going away from home.. because the last time I was away.. was when I reall y felt like an adult..when I realised how much I love myself and how much I love being the person I am..

I work as a receptionist at Pizza Hut and I have a collegue there who talks to me about how she has trouble with some guy she is dating and how she sleeps around and everything else.. and I think back to when I was 18 and stupid.. and I am proud of the way I lead my life back there.. I feel great seeing myself to composed and calm at that stage..

In the running arounds of life I have lost soo much and gained way more than what I lost..

( You will soon start to realise this blog is more about me and I use the word I a lot )

Life as I see it is a journey of self discovery.. I hope that I can find time and space and organise my life.. without laziness to keep this going..

Thats all for now..